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24 February 2011 @ 06:50 pm
In fact, it has been a long enough while since I've logged on here that I forgot both my user name and password!  And, what with the computer do si doe-ing, the information wasn't available for retrieval on any of my current machines.

Good thing I keep paper notes (masses and masses of them) too.

Oh, and in case it hasn't been said enough in other places- this has been a f*cking long winter and I have had enough.
16 October 2010 @ 07:40 pm
I had a wonderful lunch yesterday with my sister, two cousins and an aunt.  We sat around the restaurant table eating rusticky Italian food and just talking for hours.  All 5 of us are women of a "certain age."  Middle age, although Kat would disagree-she says that she is old.  I suppose once you are 60 or older you are allowed to hold your own opinions.

We caught up on each others lives, and the lives of our spouses and our children.  Since 4 of us are here on the East Coast, and Kat lives on the West Coast, there was plenty to catch up with.  Although I did note that my sister and I could finish one anothers sentences, and Kat and her sister could do the same.  And through some sort of family osmosis, most of us had a pretty good idea of one anothers lives, even if we didn't know the details.

But, as I said, we are all of a certain age.  And eventually, the conversation came around to health.  And one by one, there came the litany of the illnesses, the surgeries, the therapies, the "I've learned to live with its."  Except from me.

I was not the youngest of the group, so it wasn't an age thing.  Economically, though, I would be least likely to be able to afford to deal with so many of the issues that my sister, cousins and aunts have coped with, both in terms of the medical care, and the replacing my skills and abilities within the household while the medical needs are being addressed.

Which makes me wonder.  Am I truly that much healthier than the rest of my family?  It is possible.  Or have I just gotten really good at ignoring the hints and symptoms that send the more affluent to the doctor?
01 September 2010 @ 11:57 am
(at least, if it isn't in soup...)

If you've ever eaten broccoli while pretending it was a tree and you were a dinosaur, repost this in your journal. Then see how many of your friends are just as awesome as you are.

26 August 2010 @ 07:33 pm
If there were any more stress and anxiety manifest in my house, I swear the house itself would be quivering.  In the last week, it suddenly became "real" to my younger daughter that yes, she really is going away to college.  As in, 5 hours away.  As in moving out of the house and bedroom that she has lived in her entire life.  She is a thoroughly independent and competent human being, but always before, she had her mother to get her back for her, should anything (like school bureaucracy, banking, whatever) go amiss.  As of Sunday afternoon, she will be on her own.  At least as much on your own as anyone can be in the days of cell phones and wifi.  But still, a very big change.

The only night that she has slept well was after 5 hours of slogging through torrential rainfall and hip deep mud at the RenFaire-physical exhaustion trumps all!

My older daughter, having survived 4 years of an Ivy League undergraduate education leaves on Wednesday to start her doctoral program.  None of her anxieties center on school.  They are all centered on utilities and rent and furniture and all the other symbols, burdens and priviledges of adulthood.  Theoretical physics?  Piece of cake.  But how in hell do you arrange for delivery of furniture to a place that you don't live in yet?  And can't live in until the bed arrives?  Or how do you prove that you are a good credit risk to a utility, if you have never had to pay any of your own bills before? 

This child is wearing a path in the wooden floor of our basement with her pacing.

And the father of these two?  (and also, my belove spouse)  I suspect that he is doing his very best to concentrate on problems at work (not that that is so hard for him-he is good at that!) so as not to think about his babies growing up and moving away.  Unfortunately, not consciously thinking about something that is bothering you doesn't mean that deep down it isn't bothering you.  And he is suffering from the malignity of inanimate objects as a result.  All I can say is, he better not reduce the women of his house to tears on move-in day for the younger daughter, the way he did on move-in day for the older daughter 4 years ago.  I'm older and wiser and 4 years closer to menopause and therefor 4 years bitchier, and I won't put up with it.

Me?  Hell yeah, I am stressed and anxious.  I'm less concerned with the older one, at least on the issues that she is worried about.  Somehow, she will find a way to set up and live in her apartment, even if it means eating from paper plates at the kitchen counter for a couple of days (she has solved the bed delivery at least!).  And, she will be closer to home, should she need assistance.  She also has friends in Philadelphia waiting for her.  But my baby is moving 5 hours from me.  I've done everything I possibly can to make her transition easy, starting with raising her to be able to take care of herself.  But if she needs me, I can't just be there.  And that is the hardest thing for a mother. 
16 August 2010 @ 11:16 pm

It has been a season of preparing my younger daughter to go off to college, it feels like it has been a decade of getting her ready to go.  My living room looks like the lost luggage department at Grand Central Station, but I think that we have nearly everything.  Tomorrow, we go buy extra sets of contact lenses and underwear (how's that for a combination) and maybe a set of pajamas or two.  Then, it is a question of laundry and somehow packing all the stuff so it will fit in my car (along with 3 people) for the almost 5 hour drive to Boston.  It wouldn't be so bad if it were only clothing and soft goods, but it isn't.  It is computer stuff and a sewing machine and a lamp and a desk fan and a window fan and a coffee maker and....

(and we bought the coffee maker she said that she had everything she needed for college; a computer and a coffee maker.)

We actually don't leave for Boston for another week and a half, but I've gotten to the point where I can't wait for it to happen.  I love my daughter and if she were to stay home, I wouldn't mind her company (but she would have to learn how to drive!) but I am just tired of this in between stage.  I feel like it is filling my brain as well as my time.

The RenFaire opened last weekend.  And my spouse and I had a study group to attend the same weekend.  This Thursday was the Home Economics competition at the State Fair/County Farm and Horse Show, where I enter the baking contests (how old fashioned domestic can you get?).  This meant re-arranging my work appointments so I could bake and then take the day to go to the fair with my entries.  I won a 2nd place for a chocolate cake and a 3rd place for raisin pumpernickel bread.  I got points taken off of the bread because "the crust was too dark."  Excuse me, it is nearly a black bread, how could the crust be too dark?

The RenFaire on Saturday, and back to work today...

23 July 2010 @ 06:39 pm

I came home from seeing a client this afternoon, and as I drove past the side yard, I saw 2 small spotted fauns lying in the grass in the middle of the circle.  Clearly, they felt safe there, and mama must have felt that it was a safe place to leave her babies while she was off doing whatever (but not doing it to my tomatoes-I think I fixed that problem).

I was entirely entranced by the image and wished that I had my camera easily available.  I was very tempted to leave them there.  I was very tempted to shoo them away, as deer are a serious threat to arbor vitae, and even little deer can kill a tree by nibbling on the bark and girdling it.

I got out of my car and slowly walked over to the circle, not sure whether I was going to coo over the fauns, or chase them away.  They saw me coming and got up, not a panicky leaping up, and bounded away (which looked more like the gamboling), into the thicket across the street.

I almost hope they come back.

14 July 2010 @ 06:42 pm
There are just too many people in my house ALL THE TIME.  My oldest never found a summer job, so when her boyfriend doesn't have time for her (he has a summer job), she just hangs around "resting up" from the rigors of college before starting the rigors of graduate school.  The younger one has a summer job, but as it is at a "Wild West" re-enactment park and the weather has been lousy, she has been home more than expected, too.  (The NYRF may be open rain or shine, but Wild West City can't afford 7 days a week, Memorial Day through Labor Day rain or shine.)  It doesn't help that my work schedule has slowed to a near stop, either.

My girls are good company-when I want company.  But enough is enough.  Especially since my reaction is to snap at them and bite off my husbands head when he gets home from work.  (lack of sleep, another problem-I begin to think that those "frigid" nobles with the separate bedrooms for each member of a couple had the right idea-especially if the walls were soundproofed.) 

Oh, and while I am bitching-a local doe and her two fawns seem to think that my yard is their salad bar.  She isn't even afraid of me, when I chased her out of the yard yesterday, she cleared flipped me off with her tail.  We never had this problem when the dog was still alive.

Grumble Grumble

Please, Please Men of Certain Advanced Years (well, maybe all men, but I work primarily with the elderly),
DO NOT wear short baggy shorts with nothing other than baggy boxers underneath when you do floor exercises.

Thank you.

30 June 2010 @ 09:16 pm
It is with great relief to me that the psychological construct known as "summer" has finally begun.  The house has felt overscheduled and hectic since my older daughter graduated from Columbia in May, and moved back home, seemingly with her boyfriend.  (no, he isn't here all the time, and yes, I do like him, but he isn't family yet, and this house only has 1 bathroom.)  Two weeks ago, my younger daughter graduated from high school.  My mother in law flew up for the occassion and we had a party to celebrate both graduations.  Last week, my younger daughter and I went to Boston for summer orientation for her college.  It was actually a pretty easy trip, with only 1 travel glitch on the way home, but it was still 3 days of travel and being away.  (on the other hand, after dropping my daughter off at the college, I realized that this would be my first time alone in a hotel room, with no one to please but myself in spending time and choosing restaurants since I left the corporate world-about 25 years ago.  I made sure to enjoy myself.)  This weekend past, and the start of this week were spent putting my house back together again.  (I'm still not sure I believe the condition of the house-of the refrigerator!-left under the auspices of husband and adult child.  I am astonded at how much food went bad and needed to be thrown out or composted-what did they eat when I wasn't here?)

And today?  I had no clients, no appointments.  My husband went to work.  My older daughter is in Philadelphia, apartment hunting.  My younger daughter started her summer job.  It was quiet.  The weather was lovely.  It is finally summer.
13 June 2010 @ 11:19 pm
Jim and I went out to dinner and to hear and hang out with the Crimson Pirates, last night.  This was the 4th  we've done this in the past year; it is the start of our future no children at home, life.  Actually, the girls are still home, but, it is only  a matter of a couple of months.

We had fun.  Such a simple sentence, but after so many years of child rearing and commuting and working strange hours and dealing with health issues and money issues having fun is like breathing clean air after inhaling smog.

The band sounded good (I'm looking at you, Kel) and while everyone looked good  (again, Kel),we  were all eclipsed by the star power of a happy, dancing 5 year old-how could it be otherwise?

But, selfishly, I think the best part of the evening was that Jim got to do sound for the band.

I don't think anyone else there last night had any idea how much joy he got from that.  Jim was a sound engineer when we met.  He did live sound reinforcement at CBGBs as his regular gig, as well as some recording work (at CBs and in studios in and around the city).  Doing sound is the perfect blend of artistry and geekiness that is his personality.  Watching him at the sound board and listening for the difference any tweeking of the knobs made, and being satisfied (except for one bit of feedback which he took very personally!), was very nearly watching the decades drop away from him.

The band was wonderful.  The hanging out with friends was wonderful.  The hanging out with the band that is/are friends was wonderful (I could probably create a mobius strip if I go on with these statements).  But the absolute BEST BEST wonderfulness was watching my husband so happy.